Ode to Him

I have never felt this way before,
I hate you so much but I hate me more.
I didn’t know what had happened but
Now that is has, don’t know how to go through it all.

You seem happy to be a part of it all,
You’ve appreciated it all.
But now that u have moved on,
I fail to understand was it real or a pretentious game of call.

I feel betrayed and abashed in this mess
Nothing like what you feel or try to suppress.
I feel like an abandoned ship, like a lonely star
Without whose help you couldn’t go far
Or without its light you were all in the dark.

What I hope for isn’t your downfall,
Cause God sees and he knows it all.
What I hope for the return of power,
The same zeal and vigor with once that I stood it all.

I ask for the lost feelings to be found.
Cause now I am like that mighty bottle tree,
So strong so sturdy but so weak deep within.
I have grown heartless like the harsh winter,
That so mercilessly kills all in its reach,
I pray for the spring to bloom
In this heart that full of sand dunes.
Time has indeed flown past by,
Months and days have been since I last cried.
I couldn’t hope for nothing less,
To feel your presence in this time of distress.

But now when I look back in time,
I judge every step, every minute every time
What do I do I ask myself?
Do I hold on or do I just move on.
Do I pretend that’s nothing’s wrong and it’s a tiny fall.
My heart that is still so naïve, and full of love,
Asks me to wait and just play along; as it hopes for him to come along.